Hmm, so well today, I guess shall be a new start. An internet diary of sorts because I am lazy to pick up a pen and write. Shall I celebrate? Maybe yeah, after the poor kid in Afirca dies of starvation that is..
Sorry, just a little pissed off I guess.
Actually it's something like a blank mood of sorts.. Some forced emotions pounding upon you for you to exhibit them and some that are natural in their temperament and manifestation.. Weird thoughts, ranging from corruption to politics.. to Africa, to a woman being raped, to history.. school, adolescent angst.. love etc.
Can't channelize, focus upon one thing and get bored again. It's kinda irritating but anyways.
And as I see the greyish-white pages of my cheap register.. soaked with sweat, have lost their crispiness.. trembling and pleading for the marks shall forever remain. Some strange air fills my nostrils. No distinct smell as such but sure does.. Does everything that there is, have to have a meaning?
Jealousy is a strange thing isn't it? I was just wondering about the course of my actions, mostly affected by the mentioned emotion. I, for one am not participating in anything, want to go into some reclusive state..mostly because I think acting weird and strange shall in some way help me out.. Maybe I gain respect or something.. or somebody talks to me =S
So pondering about it, I can only think of this, I am going to ruin my life. I know it. I have always known. And I have always been a coward and shameless. I could participate in things, show my full potential and not just be the "potential".. I think others are non-deserving for things that they do..well there is nobody to prove them wrong is there? I am the typical hypocritical... good for nothing Indian of sorts.. and you know what happens to him anyways.. He features on the cover for RK Laxman..
The emotion has diverse effects.. Digressing a little.. This stupid plethora of nothingness makes it hard to think of something for a long time. So..Thinking that you're losing out on a person that was never yours..Acting in a weird way to gain attention.. Like now I was thinking someone might read this .. LOL.. as if people have no better work to do..
The metal twists inside when you face the truth, when it is flung directly at you and you have nothing to shield from it as you have been doing on for so much time now. It all depend upon the abruptness of the act. The suspense of not knowing the inevitable..That is what makes it so difficult in the first place. And then comes the pain, then the addiction to your feeling of hopelessness.. And it's not that realizing that makes it any better. It hasn't ever for me has it? However I may pretend to, however much I may give advices on it, you remain the same being who can't handle it. It sucks. Something like 11th class Lol.. You can't escape it, and it sucks big time too..
Well, I guess it's pretty late, so I gotta be going. Well diaries do not let you do anything about your emotions but well you turn your cogitations into something of use, so well I guess it's worth it, plus it improves your typing speed too.. I don't know if any more posts will come, or how sporadic their occurence will be. I do hope sincerely it remains like this, at least it's productive in a way. But you can't escape what is to be. I will have a change of mood,that is for sure, but well it won't hurt if the posts keep coming.
Signing off
Ps- The Dear Diary, "How have you been?" shit seems so girly.
Sorry, just a little pissed off I guess.
Actually it's something like a blank mood of sorts.. Some forced emotions pounding upon you for you to exhibit them and some that are natural in their temperament and manifestation.. Weird thoughts, ranging from corruption to politics.. to Africa, to a woman being raped, to history.. school, adolescent angst.. love etc.
Can't channelize, focus upon one thing and get bored again. It's kinda irritating but anyways.
And as I see the greyish-white pages of my cheap register.. soaked with sweat, have lost their crispiness.. trembling and pleading for the marks shall forever remain. Some strange air fills my nostrils. No distinct smell as such but sure does.. Does everything that there is, have to have a meaning?
Jealousy is a strange thing isn't it? I was just wondering about the course of my actions, mostly affected by the mentioned emotion. I, for one am not participating in anything, want to go into some reclusive state..mostly because I think acting weird and strange shall in some way help me out.. Maybe I gain respect or something.. or somebody talks to me =S
So pondering about it, I can only think of this, I am going to ruin my life. I know it. I have always known. And I have always been a coward and shameless. I could participate in things, show my full potential and not just be the "potential".. I think others are non-deserving for things that they do..well there is nobody to prove them wrong is there? I am the typical hypocritical... good for nothing Indian of sorts.. and you know what happens to him anyways.. He features on the cover for RK Laxman..
The emotion has diverse effects.. Digressing a little.. This stupid plethora of nothingness makes it hard to think of something for a long time. So..Thinking that you're losing out on a person that was never yours..Acting in a weird way to gain attention.. Like now I was thinking someone might read this .. LOL.. as if people have no better work to do..
The metal twists inside when you face the truth, when it is flung directly at you and you have nothing to shield from it as you have been doing on for so much time now. It all depend upon the abruptness of the act. The suspense of not knowing the inevitable..That is what makes it so difficult in the first place. And then comes the pain, then the addiction to your feeling of hopelessness.. And it's not that realizing that makes it any better. It hasn't ever for me has it? However I may pretend to, however much I may give advices on it, you remain the same being who can't handle it. It sucks. Something like 11th class Lol.. You can't escape it, and it sucks big time too..
Well, I guess it's pretty late, so I gotta be going. Well diaries do not let you do anything about your emotions but well you turn your cogitations into something of use, so well I guess it's worth it, plus it improves your typing speed too.. I don't know if any more posts will come, or how sporadic their occurence will be. I do hope sincerely it remains like this, at least it's productive in a way. But you can't escape what is to be. I will have a change of mood,that is for sure, but well it won't hurt if the posts keep coming.
Signing off
Ps- The Dear Diary, "How have you been?" shit seems so girly.
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